From November 17th prompts by Mary Patricia Bird

Prompt #4 Write a letter to Santa since Christmas is coming.


Dear Santa,

I write this in hopes that you will be coming to our house this year but I have a sneaking suspicion that you may pass us by. There are not very many individuals deserving of your gifts. But, perhaps my Christmas requests will change your mind. These requests are not just for me but for all the members of my family, though I would probably benefit the most.

Do you happen to have in that big, red sack of yours some chutzpah for my husband? He is oblivious to what goes on and lacks the emotions to react to situations.

I could use a housekeeper, especially a cook. I can't seem to produce meals that my family will eat or my stomach will digest.

Do you have a de-clutter fairy? Our home is so full of junk that it is probably the cause of all the bad feng shui. Or maybe we have mould.

Suzie needs a saw to remove the chip on her shoulder. Perhaps you have some Scentsy candle wax that will permeate her room with an overwhelming feeling of love.

Don't get me wrong, she is a lovely girl most of the time. She just needs an attitude adjustment. Do they make contraptions for that? Perhaps there is a way to remove that high horse she seems to be gallivanting around on? Did you give her that for Christmas a previous year?

Beth needs nothing. Show her that. She does not need another piece of Under Armour clothing. Is there such a thing as you taking instead of giving? Honestly, her bedroom door won't stay open for all the hoodies hanging on the back. Transport that child to a third world country so she can see how a person can have too much. She has a wonderful heart. I'm sure she would be moved by the sight of half-naked children digging through garbage for food. Then maybe she would stop eating me out of house and home.

Back to me. You know, if a full-time housekeeper, or even secretary, is a tall order, then a one-way ticket to Hawaii would suit me just fine.

Thank you for reading my letter, Santa. I'll leave you some milk and cookies if you leave the coal at home.


Mary Patricia Bird, November 17, 2013